


Missed

by sand_ninja



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Canon divergence - esque, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Intrusive Thoughts, Lance Needs a Hug, M/M, Panic Attacks, SO, So Insecure, Very angst, also there is a lot of dialogue from the actual episodes, and most likely end happily, basically what woulda happened if lance had missed in the beta traz episode, but it will pick up, enjoy, hug him, i have a lot of feelings about this boy, i have made him (and myself suffer), in other words, keith makes him feel warm and fuzzy, klance picks up in second chap, langst langst langst guys whoop, like lance is very insecure, ok idk how to tag so, spoilers big time, there is some minor klance in this first chapter, tune in for a healthy dose of cheese, watch season 2 first!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 07:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10381731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sand_ninja/pseuds/sand_ninja
Summary: Lance isn't the best or brightest. He isn't the funniest or most likeable. Lance doesn't command attention, he has to fight for it.Lance's friends are geniuses. Top of the class, prodigies.Despite this, Lance knows he is loved. Lance loves his friends. And he knows they love him just as much as he loves them.He is needed.Basically a rewrite of the episodes from when Keith and Allura sneaky sneak away, from Lance's (angsty) perspectiveEnjoy!





	1. Lance misses

There are some simple formatting things to know for this fic

"This is normal dialogue"

_This is Lance's conscious stream of thought_

_"And these are Lance's intrusive thoughts"_

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!!

* * *

 

 

 

Lance Mcclain is never the most notable person in the room when you walk in. He’s not the smartest or the most skilled or the most attractive. He isn’t good at making people laugh. His bad puns and pick up lines are better at drawing out pained groans, always followed by a small smile though. Lance has smart friends. Genius friends. Hunk can fix anything he touches and Pidge can do near anything given a computer and some time.They’re also good friends and help him with his problems (usually homework). They are part of his crew now and his crew is just as great. Keith is the best pilot lance has ever met and Shiro is everything you could ask for in a leader. Coran and Allura seem to know everything and are able to guide Voltron out of any trouble. Lance could never be notable compared to them.  Lance knows all this. He knows he isn’t the best and can be annoying. He knows his jokes are bad and pick up lines awkward and sense of humour weird. But he also knows his friends and his crew love him. They need him just as much as he needs them. He knows this and he loves them back.

___________________________________________________

Lance knew something was up when he heard a soft clatter coming from outside his room at what must be 3 o'clock in the morning by space standards. Well it wasn’t so much a soft clattering but a loud banging, well at least loud enough to wake Lance up, so really quite noisy. Lance groaned as he rubbed his eyes and threw his legs over the side of his bed to go check out what was happening. When his door slid open and he peered around the edge of his door frame, Lance caught a glimpse of red and white armour disappearing around the end of the corridor.

_Keith? What’s he doing up? Is he training without the team? Hmmm, I better go see what’s up._

Lance padded carefully after Keith, following him all the way to the hanger where the escape pods were stored. Lance saw Keith stop and glance around before dumping the enormous sack he was carrying beside one of the pods. It made a loud clatter, similar to the noise that had woken Lance up. Keith opened the pod up and then did a quick scan of the outside of the pod to make sure everything was in working order.

_What is he doing?! I should go and stop him. He can’t leave in the middle of all this Galra tracking business. What if we need Voltron? I should tell Shiro. No, I should tell Allura._

Just as Lance was about to tiptoe away from the Hanger to do just that he caught sight of a familiar white bun approaching Keith from the opposite side.

_Ah perfect! She’ll sort him out! You won't get away with whatever you're planning this time Keithy Boy!_

Peering around the corner Lance hoped to catch the harsh scolding he was sure Keith was about to get. However, after the initial surprise of the two in the hanger, no such scolding took place. Instead, much to Lance’s surprise, Allura actually joined Keith in the escape pod and they took off into the eternal black of space.

_Oh, well that was unexpected. Ah well, I'm sure they have their reasons! If Allura’s down with it, whatever’s going on is probably for the best. They’ll be back soon in case any Galra crop up I'm sure._

Despite the reasons for not giving the matter any more thought he had provided himself with, he still felt an uneasy feeling settling in the bottom of his stomach.

_Keith had better not try anything funny with the princess in that space pod. I swear it’s not fair,  I never get to spend time with the princess. It's always Shiro or Keith. Even Hunk and Pidge get to work with her on the tech stuff. Next time I’ll be the one sneaking out in the middle of the night! Then Keith’ll see!_

Pouting, Lance shuffled back to his room, suddenly feeling the weight of exhaustion from days of battling Galra and then being woken in the middle of the night. Without any further thought on the matter of Keith and Allura, he fell straight back to sleep. He didn’t even bother to take off his slippers.

___________________________________________________

The next morning Lance woke up with the same slight feeling of uneasiness in his stomach. He dismissed as hunger and not being properly awake, but even after a filling breakfast of Hunk’s best space slime, the feeling didn't dissipate. While he was sulking over his now empty bowl and contemplating how he probably had space plague and was going to die, Lance caught the end of some hurried whispers coming from the corridor outside the eating space.

“gone far... I mean it left last night..”

“Hunk we’re in space ......... must have had a purpose”

“The Princess knows what she’s doing, it’ll be for the greater good....”

“Guys,” Shiro’s voice interrupted “They left a note explaining everything in the........ No need to panic.... Tracking.......checking...... Keith and Allura will be fine together.”

After hearing this Lance got excited. He had seen them leave! He knew what was going on! Hurriedly he stalked over to the corridor ready to add his bit and express his disdain about the princess and Keith being alone together. He saw the rest of the Paladins and Coran huddled around a holographic image of the princess hovering about four feet above the ground.

“Hey, guys do you know what’s going on with Keith and Allura? I saw them leave late last night in an escape pod how about that. I never would have guessed those two huh? Keith had better not get up to any funny business with the...”

Lance was cut off with a chorus of “SHUT UP LANCE” before the group went back to peering in at the recording of Allura explaining herself.

_Oh, I guess they already know most of what happened anyway. Well, I guess I better get caught up on the situation._

Lance strode towards the group and tried to push his way between Shiro and Pidge to get a clearer look but was met with and elbow to the ribs and a robotic arm blocking his view.

“So what's happened, why have they gone rogue?”

“Lance would you just be quiet we need to be able to hear the message to answer any of your impatient questions.” spat Pidge, accompanied by another elbow to the ribs.

“Ooph..” Grunted Lance. He fell gracefully backwards, not bothering to stop himself. He landed hard against the wall.

“Pidge! I’m bruised now! How could you!” Lance complained, only to be met by a unanimous “SHHHH!”

Lance knew he was being dramatic by this point, if only to get a sliver of attention. He felt a little hurt that no one, not even Hunk, his best friend in the entire world, no, the universe, hadn’t taken the time of day to explain what the hell was going on. Lance was suddenly hit with the full force of that uncomfortable feeling from before. A small niggle at the back of his mind started up and in a voice barely louder than a whisper shot forth,

_“You don't need to know. You have no valuable input to this matter”_

_Hey! I deserve to know just as much as anyone here. In fact, I need to know more cause I saw them leave. Yeah!_

Despite his reasoning, Lance didn’t push the matter any further, instead opting to hang around the outside of the group and catching glimpses of the video message from time to time. He could always watch it once everyone else was finished anyway.

_It’ll be just like being alone with the princess! Except she won't respond to anything I say, and can only say one thing and it's only her head.... Sweet!_

The uncomfortable feeling didn't go away though. It sat heavily in the bottom of his stomach making him feel both sick and uneasy despite the lighthearted nature of his thoughts. Soon enough the group was sighing in relief. This dragged Lance's attention away from his own... self-pity? That must have been it. When Hunk turned around Lance went in for a hair ruffle but was promptly pushed away. Hunk looked tired and worried and not in the mood for any banter. That didn't stop Lance from trying to get him to engage. Lance hadn't even had the chance to eat breakfast with his best bud, let alone thank him for it. With the arm that was still hovering in the air from the rejected hair ruffle, Lance slung himself around his best friends strong frame.

“Thanks for breakfast man! You work that goo so much better than Coran! Honestly, I don't know if I’d be alive on this spaceship if it weren't for your mad kitchen skills”

Hunk sighed in response.

“Hey Lance that message thing is free now if you wanted to catch up,” Hunk said as he delicately removed himself from Lance’s awkward embrace. He Left Lance standing by the holographic message which had automatically started playing again.

“....ieth and I have left to confirm whether or not the Galra keep locating Voltron through one of us. We had to remove the possible variable from the group in order to determine what's going on. We will be gone until we get a result on whether or not.....”

Lance watched as Hunk trudged over to Shiro and engaged in a hushed conversation. After a while Hunk even presented a small smile, obviously less worried about his teammates now that he had talked to their ever constant leader.

_“You couldn't even comfort your ‘best friend’. Shiro had to sort everything out again. He probably did a better job than you could have anyway.”_

_Hey! Hunks probably just tired and can’t put up with such a bright presence such as myself. Like he said, I haven’t even got caught up with what’s happening yet. He’s probably being considerate and not distracting me from my duty as a paladin, to know what my teammates are up to._

The voice quieted down, not acknowledging what he had reasoned, and leaving him with an intensified version of the discomfort he had felt before. Jolting out of his internalised conversation, he realised he had missed another playthrough of Allura’s message. Before he had the chance to restart the recording, warning sirens started ringing out through the castle.

“AH! PALADINS” Coran cried out, “GET TO YOUR LIONS RIGHT AWAY, THE GALRA ARE ATTACKING AN INHABITED PLANET IN THIS SYSTEM CALLED TAUJEER. WE NEED TO EVACUATE THE LOCAL LIFEFORMS!”

Everyone had bolted for their quarters before Lance had even had a moment to process what was going on. After shaking some sense back into his head Lance headlong sprinted to his room to get into his armour. It was only when he had gotten seated in Blue’s cabin that he realised they wouldn’t be able to form Voltron without Red.

_Aha! We’ll show Keith that we don't need our best pilot to defeat the Galra! In fact, I’ll take my share and his fair share of the drones!! I’ll be the Taujeeran hero!!_

_“The team won't survive without Keith. You couldn't replace him if your life depended on it.”_

_Um, Yes I could! I replaced him at the Garrison! Remember?_

_“You are useless compared to him and everyone else on the team. They don't need you. You're replaceable.”_

Lance had a sudden bout of nausea. So much so that he lost control of his lion for a few seconds. He was awoken from his stupor by the feeling of Blue tugging at the edge of his mind.

“Ah sorry Blue” he said out loud. Lance shook his head again to try and focus a bit and then zoomed on over to join the rest of the team.

“Nice of you to join us Lance” teased Pidge as he arrived.

_“That’s not teasing. They're really pissed off. In fact, they hate you.”_

_Ah no they don't! They understand. Pidge is always teasing everyone!_

Lance’s thoughts were interrupted by an uncharacteristically frustrated Shiro.

“Ok Lance we’ve already come up with a plan of attack. There is no time to explain it to you but your role is to hang back and cover everyone by taking out as many drones as possible.”

“Ok boss! I got....”

“Alright Paladins go!” Shiro cut in before Lance could finish. Lance was left in the space dust as the other three took off to their respective tasks. Hunk headed towards the surface where a huge ship, presumably with the Taujeerans on board, sat precariously on the edge of an island surrounded by what looked like very, very, strong acid. Pidge was working her way around the island, closing up any cracks with her newly awakened “tree beam” as Lance liked to call it. Shiro, of course, was wrecking havoc on the front line of the battle, taking out swathes of Galra drones with each sweep. Lance was overwhelmed by the plethora of action taking place so he decided to make a decision and stick with it. He bolted planet side and saw the roots that Pidge had planted, slowly disintegrating, letting the small patch that the ship rested on, start to fall apart. As if on impulse, Lance fired his ice cannon to strengthen the bonds. Just as he was overcome by pride for his ingenious idea he heard a desperate cry from Shiro over the coms.

“Lance! Where the hell are you? I’m being swamped up here!”

“Ah sorry, I'm coming now!” Lance replied. He abandoned Pidge to go help out Shiro.

_“How could you make a mistake like that? Shiro obviously meant for you to back him up with the drones, not go planet side. What were you thinking? Isn’t the only thing you're good at long range combat? Why would anyone want you planetside? Keith would never have made that mistake.”_

Lance had no chance to reply to that incessant voice that had cropped up at the back of his head again before he was engulfed by a swarm of Galra drones.

_______________________________________________________

After what felt like hours of combat Lance had managed to hit two of the ships. He only managed to get away mostly unscathed because Shiro had neglected his own position to come and help Lance out of trouble. Lance had managed to hit two ships. His thing was being a good shot!

_I must be having an off day. I was feeling sick before._

_“Two ships Lance. And you're calling it “an off day.” What a joke. You're lying to yourself. You can’t even do ‘your thing’ as you put it”_

Before Lance had had the chance to reason with... the voice? Himself? Shiro spoke out over the comms.

“Lance, Pidge looks like she’s having trouble again with keeping everything together down there. Go do what you were doing before” Shiro calmly relayed over the coms. Lance confirmed before turning blue around.

_“Can you even see yourself? You did nothing for the team. Shiro can’t believe how incompetent you are. He couldn’t get rid of you fast enough.”_

_Hey! Whatever happened to “Who would want you planetside”? And shut up! I need to concentrate._

Lance’s comeback may have shut the voice up but it did nothing to stop the shaking of his hands or to release the frustration that had been building up in him from not being able to hit anything. Lance then saw the dire state that the Taujeeran ship was in and how close the island was to breaking apart. He hurriedly started firing over the cracks, closing up the slowly widening gaps. But even with his added input, it did nothing to slow the descent of the giant escape ship into the deadly acid.

After a long while of the situation balancing on a knife edge, Lance looked up towards Shiro in desperation. Initially, Lance was relieved to see a lack of purple in the atmosphere. However, when he saw a red flash zipping around with Shiro, a sour taste sat in the back of his throat.

“LANCE! WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BE DISTRACTED.” Came a shrill cry from Pidge.

“Ah! Keith good to have you back! And um if you and Shiro are done up there we would really appreciate some help getting these guys up in the air.” Hunk strained out. He was obviously under a lot of pressure keeping the ship upright.  

“Sure thing bud. Hold on, Shiro and I will be right there.” Keith's voice, calm and focused, filled Lance’s ears. Keith’s presence brought both a sense of absolute relief and comfort, as well as intensifying the sour taste in Lance’s mouth.

_Geez, Keith rocks up from sneaking out in the middle of the night and gets all the glory what an asshole. It’s not like the rest of us have been working our asses off trying to save the Taujeerans for at least the last 500 hours._

_“At least Keith actually accomplished things in the short while he’s been here. All you’ve managed is to get stuck and distracted. Useless.”_

Lance ignored that last comment and joined the rest of the Paladins in righting the Taujeeran ship.

_______________________________________________

When everyone was finally back in the castle, all showered and fresh, Lance thought it would be a good idea to try and catch up on what happened with Allura and Keith by finding that recording. He didn't want to look like a slacker by not knowing what was going on.

“Hunk buddy do you know where that note Allura left us before the battle w...”

“LANCE LANCE GUESS WHAT? NO WAIT DON'T GUESS. WE’RE GOING TO A SPACE MALL! A MALL LANCE! Coran said it was like a pirate hot spot but Pidge found her way onto this alien database and it’s totally a mall dude it’s gonna be so much fun!” Hunk nearly screamed into Lance’s ear.

“Oh, that’s awesome dude! We’re gonna have so much fun!” Lance laughed out at Hunk’s enthusiasm. Hunk had a contagious smile when he got really into something and even this brief exchange heightened Lance’s mood significantly.

_SPACE MALL SPACE MALL I HAVEN’T BEEN TO A MALL IN FOREVER_

Lance smiled to himself as he walked back to his room, having completely forgotten what it was he was doing before Hunk told him the good news. He wondered about all the amazing things he might find in an alien shopping centre. Before long, Allura called all of the team into the main control centre. She told them that they would be visiting “the swap meets” and Coran bustled around the Paladins, handing out various items of strange clothing. Everyone laughed at each other but especially at Lance and his silly goggles. Outwardly he pouted, but the feeling he had as he thought about how he had put those smiles on everyone's faces was one that set his heart rate fluttering and cheeks flushing. Keith actually complimented him.  Well, kind of.

“How come Lance gets all the flattering clothing and I'm stuck with this rank-ass cape!?”

Lance teased Keith loudly about his “rank-ass cape” from then on out, but it was only to distract from the happy blush that spread over his cheeks.

_It’s just... that.... THE PRINCESS! Yeah, it’s cause the princess gets to see me at my best in these “flattering” clothes. She’ll fall for me for sure this time! Maybe I’ll take her on a space mall date and blow her out of the water! Perfect!_

Even after the declaration from Coran that the princess wouldn’t be coming, Lance didn’t feel at all put out. Instead, his excitement continued to grow steadily until they arrived at the mall. And the mall was everything he hoped. There were hundreds of shops. Strange clothing stores, food courts, massage chairs, pharmacies, ones that looked like dollar marts with a whole bunch of worthless knickknacks in a variety of different colours.

Lance had the time of his life at the mall. He helped Pidge buy that video game station from earth, he got a free cow to go with it, he saved everyone from the space mall cop and he felt like the king of the world, no, the universe. Lance couldn’t wait to fill everyone in on his adventures when they all got back to the castle. They all burst in on Allura with her hair in three uneven braids, surrounded by the mice.

“Yay! You’re all back! Did you find the Teludav lenses?” she said in an almost uncharacteristically cheerful tone.

“Yup! Everything is sorted, Princess! Teludav Lenses are gotten and ready to be reinstalled!” replied Coran, equally as cheerful.

As Coran and Allura went about sorting the Teludav, the four Paladins gathered around each other in the centre of the room. Lance decided he would start the conversation off.

“Guys, you won't believe how I came across this cow!” But at the same time Pidge said;

“Guys, you won’t believe what I just found!” They turned to each other and laughed. Hunk and Keith also had small smiles playing at the corners of their mouths. Before the Laughter died out Keith gestured to Pidge.

“Well, what did you find then?” Lance smiled as Pidge explained how she and Lance had dug through the fountain to scavenge enough Gak to buy the Mercury Game Flux II. However, the churning of his gut had returned and with it that intrusive little voice.

_“Keith didn't even acknowledge you had said anything. No one cares what you did. You have the most conspicuous souvenir and yet no one can bring themselves to care. And here you are, being cut off in the middle of your word vomit, just as you deserve to be.”_

_Hey! They do care! I’m... I’m part of the team too! It was just Keith! He probably put no thought into that at all!_

_“You can’t fool me with your ‘just Keiths’. I know as well as you do his opinion matters more than most. And look, he hates you now. You’ve spaced out again, Paladin.”_

“..and then this space mall cop came along and I had to run, but I swear the guy looked like he had never seen real food in his life! I hope I can go back one day and teach him some more recipes because boy, was his restaurant bland before I stepped in!”

Lance was snapped out of his inner argument by the sounds of the group laughing loudly at whatever Hunk’s story had been. Lance managed to plaster on an enthusiastic smile before anyone noticed he hadn’t been paying proper attention. Luckily for him, everyone was nearly senseless with the first good laugh they had had in too long. Pidge was doubled over and clutching at her stomach, while Hunk had his eyes closed and had brought his hand to his mouth in a quiet but uncontrollable giggle he had brought upon himself. Keith’s head was thrown back and mouth wide open letting out loud pealing laughter. Lance felt his own smile grow genuine just looking at his friends enjoying themselves.

_“You could never make Keith laugh like that.”_

Lance’s smile dropped off his face.

_Why don't you go back to wherever you came from and stop ruining everything. Piss off to whatever deep dark hole you came from and stay there._

_“But Lance, as long as you’re here, I'm going nowhere! For, you see, I am you too! So let’s try to get along, we don't want to start something we can’t finish now do we?”_

Lance ignored this new realisation and tried to join in with the group's’ conversation again.

“So guys, I’m sure you’re all wondering about this rather obnoxious cow....”

“Keith!” Laughed out Hunk. “What happened with your knife? I can’t believe the first thing you did at the space mall was get into a knife fight!”

“That’s such a Keith thing to do!” giggled Pidge holding her shaking torso while pushing up her glasses. Keith grumbled and pouted, sending a whoosh of butterflies through Lance’s stomach for some reason, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the ever growing discomfort.

_“No one cares about your input. You are irrelevant. Keith goes first. So does Hunk, and Pidge, and everyone. You come last. After everyone on this ship. Let’s see, that would make you... 7th.”_

_7th. Huh._

“Yeah the guy was so persistent, but I’ve had that knife ever since I can remember so...”

At that moment, everyone turned their heads towards the obnoxious noise of the doors opening. Shiro stumbled through looking bedraggled and a little worse for wear, but with a smile on his face.

“Well, guys I'm glad to say that the Galra can no longer track us as they have been. Black and I just cut the ties that Zarkon had with her, so there’ll be no more frantic jumping around.”

“Shiro that’s great! So do you think we can go and find the blade of Mamora now?” injected Keith, visibly relieved and excited. At the same time that a wash of comfort and relief washed over Lance, a rush of disappointment and bitterness also took ahold. The two emotions left him feeling drained all of a sudden.

_“No one cares about your stupid cow and how you rushed them all away from the mall. There are more important things Lance. Don't get full of yourself.”_

_Hey! I uh... I know they.... They all appreciated me saving them from space mall cop... yeah! I saved them._

_“Again don't get ahead of yourself. You have nothing to be proud of. They have nothing to appreciate. You’re really just doing the bare minimum to get by. None of the others would be proud over something as simple as escaping a mall cop for God's sake.”_

“Oi Lance!” Lance realised he had again been too caught up in his own thoughts to notice what was going on around him. Everyone had left except Shiro who was squinting down at Lance’s  face through tired eyes.

“Everyone’s getting some rest and I expect you to as well. It’s been a rough few days and we need to be well prepared for whatever might go down at The Blade Of Marmora HQ.”

“Ah, yeah sure Shiro!” Lance says already heading towards his dorm feeling slightly better at the prospect of sleep but still a little out of it. The last thing he saw before the sliding door of the elevator closed was Kaltenecker nuzzling into Shiro’s hand while the person in question sighed contentedly.

When Lance was finally in bed with the softness of the sheets soothing his sore feet the intrusive voice in his head interjected one last thing.

_“Looks like you’re not even your own cow’s favourite.”_

_Shut up._

____________________________________________________________________________

The next day the whole crew was gathered around in the control room looking at the most incredible space scenery. The two black holes sucking the blue giant in was breathtaking and terrifying all at the same time. Everyone had just been told that only two should enter the blade of Marmora HQ, one of whom was obviously going to be Shiro.

“So any thought on who’s gonna  join you on this little mission?” Lance was feeling well rejuvenated after a solid night's sleep and brushed off his previous discomfort as lingering exhaustion.

“I figure things might get a little hot so you're gonna want someone who can stay cool,” Lance smirked.

“You're right,” A feeling of worthless pride welled up inside Lance at this simple act of acceptance that proved the voice in his head wrong.

“Keith you’re coming with me.” stated Shiro in a final sounding tone.

_“HA! Wow, you really thought things would suddenly change and they’d all need you? You’re delusional.”_

In a fit of exasperation and absolute hurt, Lance lost control of his mouth and blurted out;

“What! But Keith’s a hot head! He’s probably gonna shoot first and ask questions later and they're not going to be able to answer his questions because they’ll be dead!”

“Oh shut up Lance,"

_"oh dear..."_

Lance felt a sudden sharpness in his throat and a stinging in the corners of his eyes.

"It’s because the Red lion is the only lion other than Black that can withstand the heat of those black holes and that star. And Black is currently out of commission because we aren’t sure that link to Zarkon is entirely broken” Said Shiro dismissively, as though Lance were nothing but a child.

_“You’re more reckless than Keith. And Keith’s entire paladin personality is based on acting out of the blue. You can’t even live up to the traits you already have.”_

“Get ready Keith, we’ll head out in a few ticks.” Keith glanced at Lance almost with pity before rushing off to get changed. There was no teasing smirk or jab at how Lance had just been completely hypocritical in his outburst, displaying the same rashness he had just been criticising Keith for. In a way, Lance wished Keith had engaged in their usual antics. In fact, he craved it. He wanted acknowledgement.

_“You're not even good enough to be Keith’s rival. Pity is all you deserve.”_

Lance didn't bother replying to that voice. He turned away from his team and blinked hurriedly, clearing the awful feeling in his throat. He then tuned into whatever boring conversation Pidge and Hunk were having about the strange mechanics of the two black holes and the star. He understood most of it but didn't have any valuable input so he stayed quiet until Allura informed them that Red had been deployed to the HQ. Hours passed on the ship with Coran occasionally asking the Paladins for help with some ongoing repairs. Hunk went most of the time as he was the best at physically fixing things but sometimes Pidge would run a quick programme to sort out something more systems based.

_“Heh.”_

_Don't even say anything_

Lance spent most of the time that he was awake, lying on his back in the control room, fidgeting with his fingers and playing with a loose seam on his hoodie. He knew that he probably shouldn’t. It was his only hoodie, and ruining it would be the worst, but there was nothing else to do.

_____________________________________________________

It was almost the time for the route to reopen when Allura suddenly called out to everyone.

“The Red lion is moving!”

“What!” Said Hunk. “But there’s still a wee ways to go till the route opens again though! Like an hour or two? Do you think Keith is in trouble?”

Lance corrected Hunk in his head. There was actually only 5 minutes until the path reopened. He didn't mention it though because firstly, he didn't want to admit that he had been counting the minutes until it opened, and secondly because he was a bit preoccupied with the end of Hunks comment. Keith (and Shiro) being in danger could jeopardise the whole team. Lance didn't say anything else either. He just waited in silence for whatever was going to happen to happen.

About 20 minutes later Allura sent out the message that Keith and Shiro were on their way back in the red lion.

_Thank god._

_“Why do you care so much. Don't you think it should have been you on that ship? Oh, wait, according to Shiro you're even more reckless than the red Paladin.”_

_Hey! I'm allowed to care about my friends and teammates! Piss off to whatever dirty hole you came out of Mr Voice!_

_“Teammates huh? F r i e n d s..... Are you sure? You seem to care too much with too little care in return. You give yourself too much credit. They may be your friends, but you certainly aren’t theirs! ”_

_GO AWAY_

Lance was getting sick of the sneering voice in the back of his head. When the red lion arrived back he could barely stop himself from forcing open Red’s mouth to find Keith and Shiro inside. When they emerged they certainly looked worse for wear.

“Keith!” Cried Lance as said person stumbled down the ramp and basically landed in Lance’s arms.

“Lance, take Keith to his room. There’s no damage severe enough for the cryo-pods but he certainly needs to lay down. Hunk, You take Shiro and do the same.” Said Allura, appraising the two that had just emerged.

“No Princess I’m honestly fine, I’ll talk over what happened in the HQ and...” Shiro started protesting, but Lance honestly couldn’t say he remembered the inevitable end of Allura practically pushing Shiro into bed, because he was too focused on the warmth of Keith’s arms around the back of his neck. Keith stared vacantly ahead, not even acknowledging the slightly embarrassing cradling that was going on. Lance could admit that he was enjoying it a bit too much when he found himself edging closer and closer to Keith, supporting more and more of his weight. So he decided to move things along before they got too out of hand.

_“Out of hand? What does that mean? Looks like somebody has a cruuuush. One that will never be reciprocated because honestly look at yourself. Getting excited when a hurt teammate physically needs you to get to their room? Keith would never fall for someone so desperate.”_

_Shut up, I do not have a crush on him. And he so would fall for me! He would!_

Lance and Keith made it all the way to Keith’s door without exchanging a single word, and with Lance feeling vaguely flustered the whole time.

“Keith buddy I’m gonna need you to scan your hand.”

“My..... Hand.” Keith looked down at the appendage as if offended by its very existence. Getting slightly impatient, Lance guided Keith’s wrist to place his hand on the scanner and then hoisted the boy through the door scarcely before it had finished opening. Lance helped Keith onto the bed and then sat down beside him. He hadn’t let go of Keiths’ wrist yet.

“Ok buddy what’s wrong? Usually you would be attacking me or something by this point. You feeling ok?”

“Yeah Lance. Fucking peachy.” Keith had suddenly wrenched his arm free from Lance's soft grasp and curled his entire body further away from Lance.

“Woah dude! What’s that all about?”

_“You know exactly what it’s about Lance. He despises you. He can’t believe he let you touch him for so long.”_

_Oh. my. god. now is not the time!_

But Lance didn't try to get any closer. If anything he recoiled slightly as well.

“What’s this about! Lance! Well firstly my fucking knife I’ve had since I can remember somehow made me seem like a thief and I had to go through ‘The Trials Of Marmora’ or some bullshit and I thought I was going to die and I saw my father in some kind of fucking  magic flashback and he told me my mother was a fucking Galra and Shiro tried to convince me to let it go but it wasn’t Shiro and my dad is fucking dead and my mother is part of an evil alien race and my knife is a sword and, and everything’s going to shit and, and, and.....” Keith had started hyperventilating and crying and Lance was completely taken aback.

“Woah! Woah. Buddy, hey. Breathe nice and deep yeah? Slow down a bit. I barely caught a thing.” Lance tried to inch closer to Keith on the bed but that only resulted in the boy retreating further away and to start yelling again.

“You’re too close! Lance! You're too close! You didn't catch it huh? Idiot... I'm, I’m Galra alright! I’m half fucking Galra and I shouldn’t be here and YOU'RE TOO CLOSE LANCE!”

“Keith! Keith!” Lance retreated down the bed. “Keith, of course you should be here!’

_“It’s you who shouldn’t be, Lance.”_

“Keith buddy, If you were here before you knew, why wouldn’t we want you here now? We need you here. Look, buddy, you should get out of that suit and sleep on this. You’ll feel better in the morning. Let me help?” Lance moved half an inch closer to Keith but the boy tensed even further.

“Go away Lance! You can’t help now! Just... ugh... just go and get Shiro.... Please.”

_Ah._

“Yeah, ok Bud, sure thing. Going to get  Shiro. To help you. He’ll be here soon.” Lance left Keith crying in his room. He ran into Pidge on the way to his own room and asked her to fetch Shiro and tell him Keith wants him.

_“Hey look at that. You blew that one big time. But I can only say I told you so. Not only does Keith not reciprocate but he absolutely HATES you! And it’s not like he just wanted to be alone. He wants Shiro there. He knows Shiro won't fuck up like you did. Keith has real problems, not like you. You just think you have problems because you miss your family or the rain. What a joke. Keith is an orphan who just learnt he’s part of the race we’re trying to destroy. Yet he still is able to do more than you. You're nothing Lance. NOTHING._ ”

_I.... You.... I.....Whatever. Fuck off._

Lance passed Hunks room on the way to his own. Hunk was his friend! Hunk would let him stay even just for a little while. Maybe even talk some sense into him. So Lance used his hand to open Hunk’s door (Hunk could open his as well) and slipped through. He padded over to the bed. Hunk was facing away from him so Lance carefully lay down next to his friend and threw and arm over the big man’s shoulder in an awkward embrace. Lance barely had time to let out a contented sigh before he was shoved off the bed.

“Omph! Hey! Hunk!” exclaimed Lance, popping up from the floor to look up incredulously at his friend.

“Ugh Lance....” He groaned. “I'm trying to sleep it’s been a long couple of days.”

“Yeah Buddy I guess... Can’t we uhh... cuddle like usual though? I wouldn’t mind if you fell asleep on me!”

“Look, Lance, just.... Ugh,  just go to bed, I'm too tired for you right now.”

“Oh, yeah. Ok.” Lance slunk out of the room and basically ran back to his room. He went through his before bed routine fairly quickly and with little thought and then dove into bed where he felt the tension leave his body. Before he could get too relaxed though the voice spoke out. It wasn’t a surprise though, if Lance was being honest. He knew it was coming.

_“Am I that predictable?”_

_Go away._

_“You know I can’t do that, not after today. So many mistakes. So much to be ashamed of.”_

_I’m tired let’s not do this right now._

_“First you couldn’t even bring yourself to talk to your friends because you were worried about your stupid little crush. The one that is better than you in every single way. All I can say is good luck with that...”_

_Keith isn’t stupid! And he... he’s not my crush! He’s.... he’s my rival!_

_“Sure. Rival, whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t change the fact that he hates your guts. “YOU'RE TOO CLOSE” he can’t bear to even be near you. I can’t believe you asked him to let you help after that kind of rejection. Of course he needed Shiro! You barely know the guy, let alone be able to provide any sort of comfort. Idiot”_

The words inspired his stomach to start churning and his throat to close up in disgust for himself and his actions.

_I... I just wanted to help! There’s nothing wrong with that!_

_“There is when it’s you, Lance. Not only are you irrelevant, but no one wants you around. Your ‘best friend’ wouldn’t even indulge you in physical comfort today. You realise that he denied you today because it’s always been a chore for him to comfort you. Only now has it just gotten too much for him to deal with. He pushed you away. You should never face him again.”_

_Hunk was just tired. Leave me alone. I am important. Everyone is just having a real rough time. A really..... Rough time. Yeah._

_“But if you were important you would have made everyone feel better, but you aren’t. Shiro, your hero remember? Wants nothing to do with you.”_

_SHUT UP. shut up ok. I'm going to sleep. I'm going to sleep._

_“I won't be gone in the morning”_

“Ha...” Lance gasped into the emptiness of his room. The voice had shut up, but the words it had put into his head haunted Lance until sleep took him.

_________________________________________________________________

Keith and Hunk were going on a separate mission. Lance was almost glad of this. It would mean he wouldn’t have to see them until later. Lance didn't even bother to farewell the two. He didn't think he could handle how they would react to him after the mistakes he made last night. But Lance knew he could put all that behind him and prove himself to Shiro and Pidge.

Beta Traz was supposedly going to be an easy in and out mission to retrieve whoever Slav was. Lance knew it was the perfect opportunity to prove to the team he wasn’t a flop.

_“No one has ever said you were one, you know. You're only trying to prove that to yourself. To me.”_

Lance couldn’t confront the voice. He needed to stay completely focused. But he was almost too focused.

“Lance! Are you ready? Jesus man are you deaf?” Pidge’s voice rang through his helmet.

“Yes! Sorry! Ready and raring to go!”

“Alright, be careful! You only have one shot to get us in there!”

“Don't worry Pidge, I'm an excellent shot!”

“You are?”

_“You are?”_

“Yes it’s my thing!”

_“Your thing.”_

“Since when?”

_“Yeah Lance, since when?”_

“Ugh just shut up you guys! I can do this! Here we go!” Lance released the hatch right as Blue’s sensors told him to.

He heard a confused “You _guys_?” from Pidge but ignored it to instead focus on the fact that he had just made a perfect shot. See! It was his thing.  

Lance performed a scan of the base and entered through the hatch to meet up with the others without a hitch. This mission was going just how he wanted!

Pidge brought up the map of the base as soon as Blue put up her shields. As she zoomed through the different levels of security she paused, looking confused.

“Hmmm... that's weird. The Blade of Marmora said this prison was made just for Slav but this shows two cells. Who else would be held here?”

Lance, being in a good mood decided to just blurt out the first thing that came into his head.

“I’m guessing space ninjas, or maybe someone with magical powers!” Lance was about to continue when he saw the unimpressed look on Shiro’s face.

“Can you get a visual on the cells.” Said Shiro, not even acknowledging what Lance had said.

_“He hates you, you idiot. That’s what you get for assuming you could do anything right.”_

_Hey! I did do some things right._

“Lance?” It was Shiro. “I said, let’s get going.”

“Ah, right, yes, affirmative on that one.” Lance stumbled out, hastily following the team leader.

Pidge veered off after a wee while, heading to the command centre. Lance and Shiro continued until they reached a passageway that was being patrolled. Lance waited anxiously, unsure of what to say to Shiro. The guy was his hero and they’d never really spoken one on one that much. Just as he had decided to break the silence with an awful joke about prisons, Pidge interjected.

“Alright guys looks like there are different levels of security for each layer of the prison, I can't access the third level from here so you'll have to link me in when you reach it.”

“Copy that," Said Shiro, and then moved around the corner after the sentries had passed, closely followed by Lance. They reached another corner where there was yet another soldier positioned right where they needed to go.

“How are we gonna get past that....” Lance was cut off by a flurry of motion from Shiro who had flown into the corridor and dispatched the guard with ease.

_Oh yeah, I forgot for a second Shiro is a pro at hand to hand combat._

_“Unlike you, “sharpshooter””_

_Ugh, piss off I need to focus._

The two continued under Pidges instruction until they hit a fork in the road.

“Shiro, you go left, And I guess that means Lance you go right.”

“Affirmative.” replied Shiro.

Lance continued down the right path until he reached a massive set of doors.

“Uhhh Pidge... How am I supposed to.....”

“Lance shut up! Someone’s coming!”

Lance jet packed up to the ceiling of the corridor without hesitation, just in time to see the set of doors he had just come through slide open. The Galra stooped to scan their face in order to open the giant doors.

“Pidge, the guy scanned his face!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need you to get a scan of it for me.”

“Ah, yeah, no problem haha,” stuttered Lance.

_Oh boy, trust me to get the path that requires face scanning._

After a while, the Galra walked out of the room with the doors sliding shut behind him. Lance aimed and pointed his wrist device at the Galra’s face. He turned, but luckily Lance had stepped just out of sight, right before he could be noticed.

_Phew._

Once Lance received the 3D render from Pidge and the Galra had exited his view, Lance jet packed down again and let himself in. He slunk inside, cautiously peering around the dark room. When he made it about 10 steps in, he saw a hulking figure, emitting a low growling sound.

“Uh, Are you... Are you Slav?” He squeaked. The figure loomed closer before revealing an intimidating face that instantly made Lance shake in his boots.

_“I thought you were a fearless Paladin. Can’t even get that much right.”_

“Yup.” A loud voice boomed over the one speaking in his head.

“Ah! Don’t worry Slav, I'm here to rescue you. I’m with Voltron, do you know Voltron?”

“Yup”

“Great! Then you know what the Blue lion is?”

“Yup”

_He knows me! I'm famous see! I'm just as much a part of the Paladins as anyone else! Take that.... Me...._

“Pidge, I’ve got Slav!” Lance spoke into his helmet, but at the very same time Shiro’s voice came through with the exact same message.

“What?!” Came Pidge’s confused reply.

“Hang on guys,” Lance turned back to ‘Slav’. “Tell me the truth, are you Slav?”

“Yup.”

Pidge spoke again, “We don't have time for this! You're just gonna have to bring both of them back.”

“Ok,” Came Shiro, “ Give us the route out of here.”

“We’re ready to go too.”

“Yup”

There was radio silence from Pidge.

_Huh, what’s going on?_

“Hello?” Lance called into the receiver. With no reply from either of his teammates, Lance made his way out of the prison cell and down the corridor. He made sure to check before rounding any corners and came to a halt when he reached a fork in the road he didn’t recognise.

“Lance, Looks like we’re on our own.” Said Shiro suddenly, out of the blue. “We’ve gotta get back to Pidge”

“Wait! I have no idea where I'm going! Slav, do you know how to get back?”

“Yup”

“Of course you do,” Lance smiled, “You’re a genius!”

_______________________________________________________________________

After an age of sneaking around endless corridors in silence, Lance had just about had enough. And this ‘Slav’ didn't look like he was about to break the tension.

“Are you sure you know where you're going?”

“Yup”

Suddenly, around a blind corner came an evil Rover, well, drone. Lance began to raise his Bayard pistol but before he could even bring it up to his eye to aim, Slave had shot forward and tore it apart with his teeth.

_“Too slow again Blue Paladin.”_

Oh shut up, Slav is a universally known genius, It's only to be expected.

“Woah! You're really savage! No wonder the Marmorites think you're so awesome!”

The two continued on with no communication from Shiro or Pidge. Lance decided to strike up another conversation.

“Hey do you wanna hear about the rest of the Paladins?”

_Huh, yeah cause you're not a very good example of one._

“Yup”

_“Hey Lance, that one wasn’t even me. You're too easy to manipulate. Weak.”_

“Oh, um,” Lance felt shaken up after what had just transpired in his own head, but he couldn’t let Slav know. “Um, well there’s Pidge, the green Paladin. They're the Hacker of the group. Shiro’s our awesome leader.”

“Yup”

“Hunk’s our mechanic, He’s also a chef and just a pretty cool dude to hang out with!”

“Yup”

“Keith is always doing things like flying into asteroid fields and black holes and cool junk like that.”

“Yup”

“And I thought I was the team sharp shooter! But I guess no one else thinks that.” Lance stopped for a moment. His thoughts had started running wild as soon as he acknowledged this out loud. He had to voice some of them and Slav seemed like a good listener.

_It’s not like anyone else would take the time to listen._

“Maybe I don't have a thing.”

“Yup”

“Hey!” Lance spat suddenly, his spiralling thoughts replaced by taking offence. “You don't have to agree with me so quickly!” It was good to feel his pride was still in good working order.

“I mean, They wouldn’t keep me on the team if I didn't contribute in some way, would they?”

“Yup”

“Maybe you're right.” The thoughts Lance had been harbouring had decided to spill forth in front of this absolute stranger. “Maybe I’m.... just a fifth wheel. Seventh if you count Coran and Allura,”

“That’s a horrible wheel to be.”

“Yup”

___________________________________________________________________________

Lance had continued to walk with Slav in silence after his little revalation. The voice in his head hadn’t spoken out since but Lance couldn’t care less. The only thing in his mind was the number 7, spinning through his thoughts like some sort of sick carousel.

“Ok sorry about that I’m back.”

“PIDGE!” Lance jolted himself out of his stupor.  

“I’ll find you a new route, Shiro.”

_“Shiro first, it’s never you”_

_Oh shush._

“Yeah, um Pidge could you tell me where I am?” asked Lance, relieved that he might actually get to somewhere now with Pidge’s guidance.          

_“Cause you can’t do anything on your own”_

“Just a sec! Pulling it up now...” came Pidge, the signal slightly muffled.

_“Stop being impatient boy, your team hates you. They won't put up with you if you start demanding things”_

“LANCE! Look out!”

Lance was on high alert and raced to the side of the corridor.

“Quick, somebody’s coming!” He forcefully whispered to Slav. After Slav didn’t react a stab of doubt went through him. Slav was a genius. But he decided it was more important to keep out of sight than outsmart the unknown enemy at this point.

“What are you doing! Are you trying to get us caught?”

“Yup.”

Lance then heard loud footsteps rounding a corner. He didn’t dare peek around to look even though Slav was in plain sight and in incredible danger.

“I found you!” A deep, gruff yet surprisingly happy voice came from down the hall. Lance heard the Galra getting closer and closer until he decided that he must protect Slav if nothing else.

_It’s all I'm good for anyway_

He ran out in front of Slav without a second thought. Trying to sound as serious and intimidating as possible Lance spoke.

“Stay away from my friend!” The Galra looked momentarily taken aback before sneering almost gleefully.

“There’s your kidnapper! Put the prison on lockdown!” Several things then happened at once. The first being an alarm started sounding, alerting the entire facility to what was going on. Secondly, Lance fired his Bayard without even bothering to aim and thirdly Slav burst forth, running right past the Galra officer with Lance following close behind, still holding his trigger down causing shots to fly everywhere. When they had made it out of range of the Galra soldier the gravity suddenly turned off.

“Woah!” Lance frantically tried to gain purchase on the air but then realised he was, in fact, wearing a jetpack designed specifically for this purpose. Lance grabbed Slav by the arm and zoomed off with him down the hall. When they reached a particularly sharp turn, Shiro appeared around the corner carrying a weird centipede-esque creature. Before Lance had even had a chance to greet Shiro the creature spoke.

“Oh wow. You have Laika! The warden will not be happy about that!” Somehow, after only a few words, Lance was already inexplicably pissed off by this “Fake Slav”.

“Who’s Laika?” Asked Lance.

“The Warden’s pet yupper.”

“Wait, what! You’re an animal?” He directed his question to Slav who really rather predictably replied,

“Yup.”

“Ooooo I see where the confusion was for you.” The Fake Slav, well, Real Slav sneered at Lance as though he were an idiot.

_“You are an idiot.”_

Lance must have missed Pidge’s warning because suddenly the gravity turned back on causing him to slump to the ground. Once the Real Slav, Laika, Lance and Shiro were all back on their feet, the four made their way to the cabin where they would meet Pidge. Shiro stepped up to the lock pad just as Pidge rounded the corner.

“Alright, let’s get outta here.” Shiro scanned his Galra hand and the doors slid open.

They were met by dozens of Galra soldiers who promptly started firing at them. Lance stood for a moment in shock before bringing up his shield. He watched for a moment as Laika bounded ahead of the team, taking out soldiers as if they were mere toys. Lance found a position that he could fire back from and started returning the fire. Shiro pulled out some mad acrobatic moves, eliminated about five of the enemy for every one that Lance managed to shoot.

_I’m useless compared to the rest of the team_

_“That’s right kid”_

_No! Shut up I need to do what I can!_

Lance didn't have the opportunity to do anything else though because at that moment Shiro took out the last of the soldiers.

“Let’s go! Slav!”

Slav called out from a safe corner of the room “I’ll be right with you.”

Lance felt something tighten in his guts though. Call it intuition but before anything had even happened Lance was moving towards Slav, grabbing him out of the air, when a hidden doorway blasted open for the Warden to burst out. Lance rolled, protecting Slav with his body.

“You steal my yupper and my prisoner!” The Warden yelled, pressing a strange glowing button on his armour. After that, the warden seemed to inflate. His limbs pulsated as they grew, filling out to create a monstrous figure. Lance unfurled from around Slav just as the Warden charged, sending Lance, Shiro and Pidge flying across the room. Lance hit his head hard against the wall and kneeled, shaking his head to try and get it to clear. He watched, vision slightly blurry as Shiro ran at the Warden again and again. Absentmindedly, Lance brought his rifle up and aimed weakly at the hulking mass. He got several shots away that bounced harmlessly off the Warden’s armour before Lance was swept up in one of the giant robotic arms the monster was controlling. Lance could only watch as Pidge and Shiro were also swept away and they were all thrown into a pile at the side of the room.

Then, suddenly, a loud beeping echoed throughout the hangar. The airlock was opening! Lance was about himself enough to close his helmet and initiate the space-walk system. Then, with barely a moment to react the team was sucked into space along with the many cargo boxes in the hangar and most importantly, the Blue Lion. The introduction of clean air to Lance's system had cleared his vision. He could see the Warden gripping the metal floor of the Galra ship. He could also see the struggling figure of Slav caught in the vice-like grip of one of the robotic arms. Glancing around, Lance saw that Shiro had also seen this. They needed Slav! He was the reason they had come on the mission in the first place.

Lance slowly brought his rifle up to his face.

_If I really am the team sharpshooter, now is the time to prove it! I am useful. I saved Slav just before! I moved before anyone else did! I even took out a few Galra soldiers._

_I can do this!_

_“Good luck little man.”_

Lance took final aim and fired.

Lance took final aim and fired, and missed.

_Oh._

_Ha._

Shiro had managed to grab a passing Galra blaster and free Slav with his own shot.

_Ha._

“Nice shot Shiro!” Pidge’s voice came over the speakers.

_Yeah._

“Let’s get to Blue everyone!” The four jetpacked over to Blue. She opened her mouth and they climbed in. Lance took his usual place in the pilot seat and started her on her way back to the castle. Blue must have felt something was wrong though because, after that, she took control of the piloting. The other’s voices became a blur in the background.

They arrived back at the castle a few hours later. While the others trailed out of Blue, Lance made the lame excuse of staying behind to check if any damage had been done.

Once everyone was out of sight, which took a while since Slav was bouncing around checking out every piece of technology in sight, Lance climbed back into Blue’s cockpit. As soon as he was inside Lance slid to the floor and curled his hands into fists. He could feel a shaking that started in his core spread all the way to the ends of fingers. He felt as though dark tendrils of thought were constricting his throat and taking away the calm control over his body he had maintained all the way back to the castle. Words bubbled over into his conscience and he could feel his eyes manically darting around.

_I missed I missed I missed I missed I'm useless why do they keep me here why don't they find someone better, maybe that’s why we went to get Slav. The one thing I’m meant to get right, I got it wrong I was doing so well._

He felt himself slowly lean forward, his head throbbing more and more violently as his vision started to blur.

_Useless. Useless. Useless! They... they all hate me. I'm a nuisance, a bother. Fuck. Why couldn’t I see it? They’ve been trying to let me know. They're too nice to tell me. I don't deserve them. I don’t deserve.... Anything. Anything! Why do they let me near Blue at all! I am just a fill in, only essential until they find the actual Blue Paladin._

Lance fell onto his hands and knees, tears dropping straight to the ground. They formed tiny pools that grew with each shuddering sob Lance let out.

_Where’s that fucking voice? Always so ready to tell me I'm fucking useless.  You’re right! Okay! Look at me now you stupid thoughts! You were right!_

Lance’s arms gave way and he fell onto his side.

_You were right and I... I don’t want to be a burden to them anymore. I don’t want to._

Lance tried to push himself up but he found moving his arms rather difficult. His vision was clouding, and not because of the tears. An overwhelming sense of exhaustion and calm washed over his heaving and shuddering mass. Minutes passed and his breathing grew deeper and less shaky.

_Ha. I need to leave. But, I can’t even do that. I... I’m so fucking weak. No wonder I don’t have a thing. No wonder Shiro and Pidge look down on me. No wonder Hunk is fed up with dealing with me._

_No wonder Keith fucking hates me so much he can’t even bare to look at me._

_No wonder I’m the seventh wheel._

With that, Lance felt the last of his will to stay conscious seep out of his body. He lay in Blue’s cockpit, still in his armour, curled beneath the control panel.

_“What a horrible, horrible wheel to be.”_

___________________________________________________________  

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooooooo angst.
> 
> when will this update? good question. Maybe in the next week, maybe in the next decade. Pls comment any feedback you might have. I love to improve and am very open to suggestions. 
> 
> thank very much for giving this a squiz, see u next angst.
> 
> oh yea and my tumblr is http://voltrick.tumblr.com/ if u want to scream at me in my inbox.  
> (it's an oldish side blog so not awfully active but i will answer any thoughts, questions or comments you have for me.)


	2. Lance hits

Just a reminder about the simple formatting things to know for this fic

"This is normal dialogue"

_This is Lance's conscious stream of thought_

_"And these are Lance's intrusive thoughts"_

Thanks for reading and enjoy chapter 2!!

 

___________________________________

 

 

**_Lance._ **

 

**_Lance._ **

  
  


_Huh, I’m sore_

 

_Huh, It’s quite bright here, I wish it wasn’t like that_

 

_I’m a bit cold_

 

_Where is this_

 

Lance felt a soft tugging at the edge of his mind.

 

_That’s not me. I’m me._

 

He heard, well, felt more than heard, a voice echo through his already confused thoughts.

 

**_Lance._ **

 

_Lance._

 

_Hey! I’m Lance_

 

_And you’re... Blue._

 

_Aha! I’m in Blue. Why am I in Blue?_

 

Lance could feel a thump through the metal floors of his lion.

 

_Oh, are we in a battle? But, it’s not that bright in space._

 

A softer series of thumps and a muffled voice buzzed through Lance’s thoughts.

 

_Maybe we are right by a star. Yeah. One of the big blue ones that burn super bright._

 

Lance’s eyes were slowly adjusting to the brightness. He saw something moving and heard a voice that was louder than before, but still just as muffled.

 

_Ha. I can’t understand them. Is it an alien come to abduct me? I hope not. Then they would have Blue as well._

 

As Lance contemplated how he was going to stop the alien from taking his lion, Blue spoke out in his thoughts again.

 

**_Lance._ **

 

Lance felt a gentle touch on his shoulder that eventually evolved into something rolling him over.

 

**_Lance._ **

 

**_Lance._ **

 

 **_La_ ** nce! Oh my god are you ok? What... what happened?”  

 

Lance saw a familiar face. Rather he saw a face he knew should be familiar. The face knew his name so Lance assumed they were at least acquainted. It was a nice face he supposed. It had nice soft looking hair. And it wore black, which didn't hurt Lance’s eyes.      

 

“Lance? Lance! Hey buddy! Um.. do you want to move somewhere more comfortable? Like a bed? Let’s... let’s go yeah?”

 

Flinching away from the voice that seemed all too loud for Lance, even though a part of him knew it was barely above a whisper, Lance thought over the idea the face had proposed. Lance liked the sound of bed, even if it meant moving out of Blue.

 

_Yeah. Bed sounds soft. And huh, I’m tired._

 

Lance focused on the face’s eyes and nodded slowly. The face had dark eyes as well.

 

_Good. They aren’t too bright._

 

The face, which Lance now realised was attached to a body, helped Lance to his feet. The face and body, person, Lance supposed, led him down a corridor and into a room. The room was dark and quiet. The person dropped Lance on a bed. It was soft. Lance didn’t bother to hold himself upright and flopped sideways onto the bed.

 

_Hmmm... It is soft but something hurts._

 

“Um... Lance, do you want to get that armour off? It uhh... it doesn’t look too comfortable to stay in.”

 

_Ah, that’s it. My armour. It’s Blue like my Lion. Not for sleeping in._

 

Lance started to try and pull of the arm piece of his armour. He remembered suddenly that he always struggled a bit with the catch and it probably didn't help that his fingers were numb.

 

_“Welcome back Paladin. Refreshed after your little breakdown I see? I decided to pay a visit after you started doing my job for me. But ah, look, still as useless as ever. First, you fail as the Blue paladin, letting down your teammates and well, the entire universe with your ‘sharpshooting’, and now you can’t even get undressed yourself. Ha. You don't even need me to see how useless you are.”_

 

Lance visibly shuddered and then desperately started to claw at his armour. All of his memory about his missed shot had suddenly come flooding back. The word ‘Useless’ echoed around his head.

 

The person he had now recognised as Keith stepped in hurriedly and took over removing Lance’s armour.

 

_“And look, still as much of a burden as ever. Looks like Keith is on cleanup duty this time. How embarrassing for you. And for him, having to fix the seventh wheel.”_

 

Lance felt a tightness well up in his throat and he let out a sob.

 

_I don't want to think I don't want to think I don’t want to think I don’t..._

 

Keith had removed all of his armour. Lance fell backwards and covered his face.

 

_I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry_

 

_“You should be. No one should have to deal with you.”_

 

“Uhh... Lance? Do you want... to talk about.... I mean you don’t have to I just think maybe you should let someone know if there’s something wrong, um... Lance?” Keith’s voice broke up Lance’s internal battle.

 

_“Ha, look how hesitant he is. He is so mad that he has to deal with you while you are curled helplessly on a bed bawling your eyes out over nothing.”_

 

Lance didn’t know how or want to reply. He just lay on the bed, wallowing in self-doubt and increasing discomfort. He needed something to do. He needed to feel not useless.

 

“You don’t have to share! Lance! It’s ok! Um... do you want anything? Like some water or your jacket or um... Hunk?”

 

No, Lance didn’t want any of those. He needed to hold something, right now. He reached out his hand. Anything, he would hold anything.

 

_“What a child. Can you see yourself? Do you know what you fucking look like.”_

 

Lance felt Keith inch close enough that his arm was within Lances reach. Lance grabbed and pulled. Keith fell beside Lance. Without letting go of Keith’s forearm he wound his other hand into the black fabric on Keith’s chest. Keith didn’t pull away. Lance then became aware of the shaking of his hands and the quivering sensation all over his body. He thought of nothing, refusing to listen to anything but his own breathing and Keith’s soft exhalations. Eventually, Lance felt himself stop shaking and the feeling returned to his extremities. He could feel that Keith was quite cold but he soon warmed up due to the slowly increasing shared warmth between them.

 

_Ha. I’m useful! I warmed up Keith. I warmed... warmed up....._

 

_“Nice try Paladin but you and I both know you’re worthless”_

 

_....Keith._

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

Keith had been vaguely out of it ever since his trip to the blade of Mamora HQ. Learning that he was part Galra had really messed with his head. He couldn’t concentrate properly in training or on missions. His run in with that mysterious Galra in the belly of the Weblum had also screwed his thoughts around. Keith arrived back from his mission with Hunk, after an eight hour flight in the Yellow lion, tired and a little bit hungry, despite the vomit inducing scenery he had seen on his mission. Keith decided to visit the kitchen and see if there was anything leftover from Hunks last cooking session.

 

Unfortunately, Keith had no such luck. He wasn’t quite recovered enough from the belly of the Weblum to attempt to stomach any of Coran’s cooking, so he dragged himself back down the corridor to his room. While he was taking off and storing away his armour, Keith started to try and assemble his thoughts a bit. He knew he had been particularly cold to his teammates over the past couple of days, and figured that it would take awhile for them to forgive him. For both his actions, and for being a Galra.

 

Shiro had been nothing but supportive of him coming back from the Blade of Marmora HQ, yet Keith still needed reassurance from Shiro that he didn’t think any less of him. Pidge had had little to no reaction, carrying on with her teasing as per usual to an indifferent Keith. Hunk had been nothing but nice to Keith on their mission, even joking around about their whole situation. Keith reflected on and regretted how he had shut that down at the time. Coran hadn’t even been too bad, considering it was his race that wiped out their entire species. And Allura was still... coming to terms with it.

 

And Lance. Lance had had nothing but good intentions when he tried to get Keith to release some of his frustrations and feelings. In return, Keith yelled at him and made him leave. They hadn’t even seen each other since then, as they went on separate missions. As Keith slotted the last of his armour into place in it’s compartment, he decided to seek out his team mates and apologise. And where better to start than the person he had wronged the most. Or, rather the person whose opinion he cared about the most if he was being honest with himself.

 

Lance.

 

Lance was Keith’s rival. Well, self-proclaimed rival and Keith hadn’t really bothered to try and change that. They had known each other since their first year at the Garrison, or rather known _of_ each other. Keith had known Lance as the loud-mouthed cargo pilot who made (actually quite funny) jokes about the class content and teachers. Mostly teachers. They hadn’t ever really talked beyond Lance jeering at him in the hallways. He usually made jabs at Keith’s status as No.1 fighter pilot, or his mullet. They had been introduced on an official level when they had to do team activities and projects. The guy was actually pretty clever, probably not something a lot of people knew about him. He whizzed through all the math in assignments, his only downfall was his inability to stay focused on the task at hand for more than 10 minutes. Keith had unwittingly grown used to Lance’s presence, and found himself annoyed when he was grouped with others from the transport team, who were all much slower than Lance.

 

When Keith was kicked out of the Garrison for trying to steal a ship to find Shiro, not a lot had been on his mind except finding a way to get himself into a better state of living than a shack in the desert. He hadn’t paid attention to his lack of company, rather focusing on his lost companion and how he would get back to him. The year and a half passed slowly for Keith, in a near constant state of exhaustion and not quite sated hunger.

 

When the pod with Shiro on board had crashed, Keith knew it was his last chance to make anything of himself. His last chance to stop himself from withering away in the desert. That was why when he met Lance and crew at the crash site he was shocked. They had all matured in the time since he had last seen them. Pidge was ever so slightly taller, and the permanent bags under her eyes had made her look older than she actually was. Hunk had grown into his body. He not only was strong and reliable, he looked it too.

 

And Lance. He had filled out his previously lanky form and had even grown a bit taller, Keith used to be able to meet his eyes when standing, but Lance now looked down from a two-inch advantage. His skin had maintained its tan, even with the indoor nature of the garrison education system. And, very much _not_ to Keith’s surprise, Lance had been trying to take all the glory again. Keith was initially sour about having people from his past at the garrison interfering with his rescue mission. But after awhile he found himself grateful for both their help and, actually, their company. He was starved for it, even if he hadn’t realised during his year in the desert. The immense pride he felt when Lance had recognised him, and even labelled Keith his rival had left him flustered for a while after they made it back to his shack.

 

From then on, Keith had, not sought out, but looked forward to the time he could spend with Lance, even though it inevitably led to one of them either getting injured or told off by Shiro and Allura. Keith shook his head and began to walk towards Lance’s room. He had been so cold towards him last time they talked. He wasn’t sure how he was going to start the conversation.

 

“Hey Lance, sorry for fucking screaming at you to stop touching me, Hey Lance, sorry for being an A class dick because I can’t control my emotions, Hey Lance, sorry that I lashed out because I didn’t want you to think I was weak and frankly your opinion is the most important one on this ship to me.” he muttered to himself as he walked.

 

When he arrived at Lance’s door he made the decision right then and there to just go in and deal with whatever garbage spewed out of his mouth. Without thinking he rapped loudly on the door.

 

“Oi Lance! Let me in I really need to talk to you about something!” He yelled. After a few seconds the door slid open, not to reveal Lance as Keith was expecting, but rather Hunk, wrapped up in what appeared to be Lance’s bedsheets and Lance’s hoodie over his head.

 

“Oh. Umm... Hi?”

 

“Hi Galra Keith,” yawned Hunk. “I was just getting some sleep. I figure there won't be much time for it in the next few days.” The acknowledgement of Keith’s alien descent cased a sour taste to start forming at the back of his mouth, but Keith knew everything Hunk said was in jest. Even though he knew this Keith’s mind started a downwards spiral into self-doubt, repeating the same situations of his teammates rejecting him and hating him over and over again in his head. Keith tried to quickly snap out of it before Hunk noticed anything was wrong.

 

“Yeah, I uhh... I guess. Um.. why, may I ask... are you...”

 

“In Lance’s room?” Keith nodded.

 

“Well you see, Lance wasn’t here when I came to take a nap with him so I just fell asleep with the next best thing.” Hunk rubbed his eyes with a fist that was still covered by the grey sheets.

 

“Which is... his clothing?”

 

“Yup. But yeah Lance isn’t here. Sorry man. I would try the kitchen? Or maybe he’s with Blue.”

 

“Yeah.. uh, thanks.” Keith’s eyes flicked into the space behind Hunk where Lance’s naked bed sat in the corner.

 

Hunk broke the awkward silence.

 

“Okay, well, I’m gonna get back to my nap now so good luck with whatever you have to tell Lance.” And with that, Hunk turned around with a sweep of his blanket cape and the door slid back closed leaving Keith standing alone in the corridor in his black, under-armour suit. He had just been in the kitchen so he decided to head straight for Blue’s hangar. Lance usually checked in on her after every mission but the others had arrived quite a few hours ago. Keith would be surprised if Lance had stayed there for that long.

 

The delay in his inevitable confrontation with Lance had caused a nervous squirming sensation in his stomach that made him feel slightly sick. As he approached the hangar, the feeling grew stronger and stronger but he knew that it was an overreaction. Trying to ease his own discomfort, Keith spoke aloud to himself.

 

“These things blow over, they always do. It’s Lance! It’s Lance. There’s a reason you’re going to him with this first.” Keith spoke aloud. Unconsciously, he gave himself a once over before opening the hangar door to see Lance. Couldn’t have his ... rival... see him when he wasn’t looking his best...

 

Keith noted the strange outfit he had on. Sweaty, skin tight black wasn’t exactly the perfect outfit for the apology he was about to give. But it would have to do. Keith didn't think he could come back if he walked away now, and then the relationship he and Lance had carefully crafted though cautious experimentation of what pushed each other's buttons but didn't go far enough to cause actual harm, would be ruined forever.

 

Keith hesitated one last time before unlocking the keypad. He hoped Lance would understand. It could tear Voltron apart if they couldn’t face each other after this. He took a final breath, punched in the numbers and watched as the doors slid open.

 

Keith couldn’t see Lance immediately, and he was surprised the loud opening of the door hadn’t alerted Lance someone had come in to see him. Keith thought he must be inside Blue, tinkering away on something that prevented him from hearing the doors. Cautiously, Keith approached Blue, who was lying as though she was about to pounce on anything that came too close.

 

“Um... hey Blue, could you please let Lance know I want to... need to speak with him. It’s uhhh... very important.”

 

There was no reaction from Blue for a few seconds but then her mouth slowly opened, inviting Keith to walk inside.

 

“Umm... thanks?” Stuttered Keith, graciously accepting the invitation and stepping into the Blue lion. As her got further in and still saw no sign of Lance, he started to call out.

 

“Lance! Umm... I have something to tell you... well apologise for umm... I don’t know if you’ll listen to me but I...” Before Keith could ramble on, he heard a quiet shuffle coming from under the main control panel at the front of blue.

 

“Lance? Are you there?” Keith walked right into the main cabin and peered around the pilot chair. Under the main control panel, he saw the Blue paladin curled up on the ground still in his armour after hours of being back in the castle.

 

“Lance, what are you doing? Are you...” Keith crouched down beside Lance, who was responding to none of Keith’s questions.

 

“Are you okay?” Keith gently rolled Lance towards him. To his surprise, Lance had his eyes wide open, but he looked straight past Keith.

 

“Lance! Oh my god are you ok? What... what happened?” Lance’s brow just furrowed, followed by him curling up tighter than he was before.

 

“Lance? Lance! Hey buddy! Um.. do you want to move somewhere more comfortable? Like a bed? Let’s... let’s go yeah?” Lance then made eye contact with Keith and slowly nodded.

 

“Okay, up we go.” Keith hoisted Lance up around the waist. Lance leant heavily into him, his feet taking almost none of his weight. Blue obligingly opened her mouth to let them out. Keith didn’t know what to say to Lance. The fact that he hadn’t responded to anything he had said already didn’t help the matter, so Keith silently struggled to half drag Lance through the hangar door and into the corridor where their rooms were. Keith groaned to himself as he remembered that Lance’s room was the farthest from the hangars. Pulling an unresponsive Lance that far was not something Keith wanted to do. It also increased the chance of someone else finding them, and Keith felt like Lance wouldn’t want anyone (especially Hunk, who was still in Lance’s room. He would probably spread the word faster than even the space mice could)  to see him in the state he was in now. But there was a simple solution to this. Keith’s room was the closest to the Hangar and, well, no one really visited him. Keith hoisted Lance upright over one of his shoulders and opened his own bedroom door. Lugging Lance inside, he placed him on the bed and then stood up to take a couple of deep breaths and assess the situation.

 

Lance was positioned awkwardly, with his legs over the side of the bed and his torso laying sideways on the duvet. His armour looked like it was digging into his side uncomfortably. Keith decided to start by helping Lance take it off.

 

“Um... Lance, do you want to get that armour off? It uhh... it doesn’t look too comfortable to stay in.”

 

Lance looked down at himself before nodding distractedly. He sat up and started to pull at the armour on his arms. When his half-hearted attempt to remove the armour had no effect, Lance began to rip at the Altean tech with a desperate kind of frustration.

 

“LANCE LANCE WOAH! Hey, I’ll do it. I’ll help you.” Lance stopped clawing at his arm and tried to sigh, but instead, he let out a choked sob. Keith knelt gently in front of the bed and carefully detached the armour from Lance’s arm. He then methodically removed the rest of Lance’s armour, ending with the chest piece. Keith moved the pieces of armour to the side of his room and then returned to Lance, who had fallen backwards onto the bed and had covered his face with his forearm.

 

“Uhh.. Lance? Do you want... to talk about.... I mean you don’t have to I just think maybe you should let someone know if there’s something wrong um... Lance?”

 

Lance was trembling slightly. He couldn’t seem to control the shaking of his hands, and some of the shudders even moved through his torso. Keith saw a tear roll down the side of Lance’s face and into the shaggy hair just above his ears.

 

“You don’t have to share! Lance! It’s ok! Um... do you want anything? Like some water or your jacket or um... Hunk?”

 

Lance shook his head and let out a shaky breath. He reached out with the hand that wasn’t covering his face towards Keith. Keith hesitantly moved closer, he wasn’t entirely sure what Lance wanted. As soon as Keith was within Lance’s reach, Lance’s fingers curled into Keith’s arm and stayed there. A little bit surprised, Keith knelt onto the bed and tried to turn so he could sit down. Unfortunately, Lance’s position made this impossible and Keith’s only choice was to fall ungracefully onto his side.

 

“Omph! Uh...” Lance had immediately twisted his other hand into the stretchy fabric the covered Keiths chest. His shaking had not stopped, but having something to hold onto appeared to considerably decrease the violence of it. Keith, glad that Lance seemed to be calming down decided to leave everything as it was until Lance was in a better state of mind. Keith managed to stay awake long enough to witness Lance’s slow descent into unconsciousness before the warmth of being so close to another body and his own fatigue saw him drifting off into a restless sleep himself.

 

___________________________________

 

Lance woke up very suddenly. He hadn’t dreamt, but his heart was pounding nevertheless. He was too hot, much too hot. Lance sat up and clawed at his chest, trying to remove the fabric that was there. When he had finally managed to get ahold of his suit and pull the material away from his neck to let some air in, he started to take in his surroundings.

 

_Ah, that’s right Keith brought me to his room._

 

Lance took in the ruffled looking bed sheets that had twisted their way around Keith’s and his own legs. The room was dark, which meant it was still night time by the ships’ standards.

 

_Ok good. If I can just get back to my room, no one will have to know._

 

_“No one should ever know”_

 

_I just have to not wake Keith._

 

Lance pulled his legs as carefully as he could out from the twisted sheets. He noticed his hands shaking as he held out the covers. Lance tried to stop the shaking but it appeared to be out of his control. Fixating on the need to repress his shuddering, he clasped his hands together in a further effort to cease the shaking, dropping the covers back down in the process.

 

“Oh.”

 

Keith had woken up. Lance decided that his only option now was to bolt for the door and hope that Keith wouldn’t stop him.

 

_“You’ve done it now Paladin. Everyone will know soon and you’ll waste even more of their time.”_

 

Lance made direct eye contact with Keith and then leapt out of the bed and tried to start towards the door. But he had misjudged how tangled up his legs actually were in the sheets, so he tripped and fell, saved from smashing his nose into the floor by Keith’s arm grabbing his own.

 

“Lance! You’re awake!” Keith breathed out, a little bit confused, but mostly relieved.

 

“I uhh... yeah! I just woke up. I’m gonna head back to my room now and uhh... let you get on with your sleeping.”

 

Keith didn't let go of Lance’s arm.

 

“Yeah, um Lance? Are.. you ok? You were kinda conked out in Blues cockpit yesterday and I don’t know but... you were kinda shaking?”

 

“Haha, Yeah I’m fine Keith! I’ll be going now!” Keith still didn't loosen his grip on Lance at all.

 

“You can... I mean... you know you can tell us... tell me anything right?” Keith sat up further, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to look directly down at Lance.

 

“Yeah, um, sure Keith.” Lance avoided eye contact. “Can I go now?”

 

Keith blushed lightly in the darkness of his room and let go of Lance’s hand.

 

“Well yeah, I mean, of course you can... but uhh... there’s not much time till morning training anyway and you’re already dressed for it and your armour is here so why not stay here, I mean my room is closer and all and it wouldn’t make sense for you to go back and uhh...”

 

Lance’s cheeks also started to take on a rosy colour as Keith’s stream of words filled the space between them.

 

“Uhh... I uh... think I’ll just go anyway, Keith. Uhh.. bye, I’ll take my stuff so I don't have to come back.”

 

_“That’s right. Cover up your mistakes Paladin. Imagine if Keith had to deal with you in his room twice in one morning.”_

 

Keith lowered his head as Lance scrambled to gather up all of his armour up in one go. Once Lance had managed to awkwardly pick everything up without dropping any items, he moved towards the doorway.

 

“Uh Keith, I uh, can’t open the door could you...”

 

“Oh! Yeah, sure.”

 

_“Look at you go. Can’t even open a door by yourself.”_

 

Lance awkwardly stood back as Keith hesitated by the sensor. He felt his hands start to shake again at the return of the little voice. Lance willed his pile of armour to not fall. Keith lifted his hand so it was just out of the scanning range. There was a pause for a good few seconds. Lance was about to prompt Keith again, when suddenly, Keith whirled around to face Lance directly.

 

“Lance, I found you shaking in Blue’s cockpit _hours_ after your mission returned and you didn't react to anything I said and you had a breakdown when we first arrived in my room and you still haven’t said anything. Something is wrong!” Keith said forcefully while he stared furiously up at Lance. Realising how close they now were, Keith took a step back and lowered his eyes a bit. He had lost some of his earlier conviction but still managed to splutter out what he had just decided the terms of their situation would be.

 

“Lance, I... I am not going to... open the door for you until you tell me what’s going on!”  His voice slowly rose in volume until he was near shouting.

 

Lance’s eyes widened and his helmet dropped off the top of his pile of armour causing the two to glance downwards before meeting eyes again. Keith felt that he was flushed. With embarrassment or frustration, he didn't know. Lance shook his head.

 

“No! I’m fine Keith! Just, just tired is all. I want to leave.”

 

“No Lance!” Keith wrapped his arms around the pile of armour in Lance’s hands and placed it on the ground next to the fallen helmet.

 

“Tired is not shaking on my bed in your full battle armour! It’s not waking up in a panic at four am! Tell me what’s wrong!” Keith then grabbed Lance by the wrist and pushed him onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around Lance’s sides, pinning his arms down so he couldn’t move.

 

“Keith stop! I don't want to burden you with this! Let me...” Lance struggled but it soon proved futile. “Let me be on my own!”

 

_“Oh just look at the trouble you’re causing, Paladin. None of this would have happened if you could just control yourself.”_

 

“Lance! Shhhh.... It’s ok. Just tell me what’s wrong.” Lance hadn’t realised but he had started crying. He felt the wet tears trail down his cheeks and soak into Keith’s hair.

 

 _“He’ll know just how weak you are if you tell him anything. He is so annoyed that he has to clean up your miserable mess.”_ Lance gasped wetly.

 

“I know I was an asshole last time we talked, and it’s inexcusable but, you can trust me. We are all friends here. You’re my friend Lance. I want to know what’s wrong.”

 

_He’s my friend. He said he’s my friend._

 

“Keith...”

 

_“No way Paladin. He hates your guts.”_

 

“Yes Lance?” Keith looked up from where he was still wrapped around Lance to meet his eyes.

 

“Keith... am I... am I the team sharpshooter?”

 

_“Ha. Setting yourself up for rejection. You make this too easy for me.”_

 

“Lance, of course! Why else would your bayard be a rifle?” Keith gave a fond smile to the tearful face above him.

 

“Oh. Cool. I’m glad... I’m glad you think that. Pidge and Shiro sure don’t.” Lance immediately regretting saying this and tried to move a hand to place it over his mouth but Keith held his arms firmly in place.

 

_“Wow Paladin, talking about your teammates behind their backs. Keith surely hates you now.”_

 

“They don’t?”

 

Lance shook his head and looked away from Keith’s questioning gaze.

 

“Well you are, I mean no one else on the team shoots more consistently than you. You’re our best defence against long-range attacks. You’re essential to our attack _and_ defence Lance!”

 

_“Ha! Look at all those lies paladin.”_

 

“Ha.... I don’t think anyone actually thinks that.” Keith frowned at this.

 

_“He’s lying to get you to leave faster. You’re the least important member of the team, remember.”_

 

_“The 7th wheel.”_

 

“I’m.... I’m the least important. I’m replaceable. You and... and Shiro are brilliant fighters and Hunk and Pidge can make whatever they want with a few bits of scrap metal. All I can do is fire a fucking gun.” The crease in Keith’s brow intensified.

 

_“Ugh look, you’ve pissed him off now. He’ll never look at you again. That’s what you get for oversharing.”_

 

“No.” Lance felt more uncontrollable tears run down his face.

 

“No Lance. What the fuck. Why... Oh god. Why do you think that?” Keith unravelled his arms from Lance’s sides to push himself up on the bed so he could look straight at Lance.

 

“Lance, oh fuck. Lance is that what this is all about?”

 

_“He thinks you’re pathetic. A breakdown over this? Weak.”_

 

“Shit, we’ve done this to you. Oh god, I’m so sorry. Lance, you’re not replaceable.” Keith placed his hands on Lance’s shoulders. Lance tried to turn his head away so that Keith couldn’t see the tears, but Keith pulled his head back.

 

“Lance, you’re not replaceable!”

 

 _“No! He’s lying to you!_ ” The voice sounded panicked in Lance’s head.

 

“You’re the sharpshooter! You unlocked the ice cannon! We wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you! Lance... you’ve saved us so many times. You’re so clever Lance! I can’t even count the number of times you saved me from rushing in headlong with your ingenious plans!”

 

_“They are lies, Paladin! He’s just trying to get you to piss off so he doesn’t have to deal with you anymore!”_

 

“Lance, are you listening? You were one of 100 students in our year at the garrison! Do you know how hard it is to even get considered for the garrison? Not only that but you were the sharpest cargo pilot the garrison has ever seen! All the engineers and fighters wanted to work with you, remember? Your maths is so quick! I don’t understand how you do it!”

 

 _“No, cargo pilot, what a loser, don't you remember failing every simulation? He’s lying.”_ Lance closed his eyes and tried to push the tears back down his throat. Keith had to be lying right? Keith hates him. His whole team hates him, right?

 

“Lance you are so funny, you could make the whole class band together if Iverson was being a bitch! And you do it now with team Voltron as well! You... ugh Lance, you are so important. The Blue lion chose _you,_ remember? Out of all of us, you were the first to gain her trust.” Lance tried to look away again, but Keith held him steady.

 

‘We’ve all been so mean to you, I’m so sorry. I snapped at you when all you wanted to do was help. We all ignored you during team missions. I... Lance, if anything you are the _most_ important member of the team. Yes Shiro’s the leader, Pidge can do technology stuff and Hunk can fix things, but you, you are the link between all of us! I would never have talked to the team if you... ha... if you hadn’t provoked me into saying what was on my mind. You keep everyone afloat Lance.”

 

_“You’re the 7th wheel.”_

 

“Keith...” Lance choked out.

 

“Keith, what you’re doing is nice and all but... I just...”

 

“No Lance you don’t get to leave.”

 

“Keith...”

 

“No. You’re a part of the team and Lance, I’m not...” Keith took a deep breath.

 

“I’m not letting you deal with on your own. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to and we, I care about you, Lance.”

 

“He’s lying.” Lance murmured to himself. Keith felt a wave of anger wash over him. He wasn’t lying! Lance meant so much to him.

 

“Lance! I’m not lying! Fuck! Why do you think that?”

 

_“You’re the 7th wheel.”_

 

“I’m...” Lance started but then shook his head. Keith pulled his face down so they were making direct eye contact.

 

“Why. Do. You. Think. That.”

 

“You can’t care for me... I’m just the 7th wheel. Keith. Fuck...” Lance felt nauseous. He shouldn’t have told Keith any of it. Keith didn’t deserve to hear this. Lance didn’t want Keith to hear it. He wanted Keith to think he was strong. He was confident.

 

“I want to go now. Let me leave. Please, Keith.”

 

“Lance... the 7th wheel? No no no no. You’re not. You’re not, Lance. You’re the most important person here to everyone. You’re Hunks best friend. Hell, he was in your room with your clothes and your blanket around him because he missed you. And you’re like Pidge’s older brother, she laughs so much when you’re around! And you’re basically Shiro’s younger brother with the amount of teasing that goes on. And don’t pretend like you don’t know that you’re secretly Coran’s favourite. We all know. And Allura may have hated your cheesy pickup lines but even she sees you as family!”

 

Lance thought back over the many, many months the team had been in space. A lot of it was battles and hard training but he mostly remembered how much laughing the team had done.

 

 _“Feeling sentimental huh?”_ Lance heard a waver in the voice’s confidence.

 

 _“Don't forget how useless you are. You missed remember? Sharpshooter...”_ Lance continued to remember his team, his family.

 

 _“No, um, remember how... well you can’t even...”_ Lance almost smiled at how desperately his mind was trying to bring him back down.

 

 _“I still have one thing Paladin. Keith will never return your feelings. Especially not after now.”_ Lance frowned slightly.

 

_Well, I guess but, I’ve done a lot of damage already today. It can’t really get any worse. Why don’t I just ask him?_

 

_“You’re setting up for failure, idiot.”_

 

“Keith...”

 

“Yes Lance?”

 

“What...” Lance mentally took a deep breath before diving straight in.

 

“What am I to _you?_ ”

 

This time it was Keith who tried to look away, but Lance, copying Keith, held his face firm.

 

_“He can’t even bare to look at you”_

 

“Ummm... you’re umm... my rival?” Lance felt a sliver of long gone confidence creeping back into his mind as he watched Keith’s face darken in the dim light of the room.

 

_Maybe he... Maybe he does return my feelings!_

 

Lance decided to test his theory before the voice could barge back in again and ruin his revelation with a negative opinion. He felt calmer, in his element. That is, flirting obviously and terribly.

 

“Do rivals do this for each other?” Lance gestured down at the position they were in and watched as Keith’s face darkened even further. Keith squirmed away to put a couple of inches between them.

 

“Well! Uhh... I’m also your team mate! And... obviously, your friend, I guess.” Keith managed to stammer.

 

_“No! He’s lying!”_

 

_Oh shhh_

 

“And I’m obviously your friend too.” Lance felt his face muscles pull into a long forgotten smirk.

 

“Say... Keith. You still want me to stay until training?”

 

“I mean.. Maybe... yes? But well, you did kinda tell me what’s wrong so I guess you can leave if you want. I’ll, get the door.” Before Keith could sit up Lance clutched at the fabric covering Keith’s chest, much like how he had a few hours ago, before they fell asleep.

 

 _“Ah yes look at that, he wants you to go. No surprises there.”_ Lance could feel the voice’s reasoning getting weaker and weaker the longer he convinced himself that Keith was telling the truth.

 

“I think... I’ll stay, Keith. Like you say, no point going back when all my stuff is here. And besides, isn’t Hunk still in my room? He’ll rip into me for being up so late. I don’t want any guilt trips tonight.”

 

“Yeah! I mean uhhh... yeah sure!”

 

_They all care about me. Keith wants me to stay._

 

“...so I’ll take the floor.” Lance jolted out of his happy train of thought.

 

“Wait Keith no! I mean we already managed to fit together on the bed before why not just do it for a bit longer. It’s only a couple of hours right?” Keith kind of whined for a second before moving off the bed, muttering something about how Lance was barely conscious before and this is a completely different situation.

 

“What do you mean different? Are you too pussy Kogane?” Lance felt the full force of his cockiness return for a moment. It felt good. He watched Keith whirl around to face him again.

 

“No! I’m not! And what do you mean, too pussy to what!? Sleep with you?” Keith shoved a hand over his mouth too late, and proceeded to turn the brightest shade of red Lance had ever seen, even through the dimness of Keith’s room. Lance couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing. And boy did it feel nice. How long had it been since genuine laughter left his lips? Certainly too long by Lance’s standards.

 

“Keith, come sleep with me.” Lance held his arm out to welcome Keith back onto the bed, still heavily laughing. Keith hesitated, but only for a moment before crawling into the bed as far away from Lance as he could manage on the twin sized mattress.

 

“I can’t believe _you_ thought you were a 7th wheel.” Keith muttered after a while and Lance’s giggling and jokes about ‘sleeping together’ had died down. God, why did Keith like someone so immature.

 

“You’re the first wheel Lance. At least I think you are.”

 

_“....lying....”_

 

_No._

 

“Thanks Keith. I don’t know. There's just a lot of pressure on someone who has such little skill to become a defender of the universe.”

 

“Lance, you have skills! So many skills! But yeah it is a lot of pressure. But, I’m glad you and Hunk and Pidge turned up in the desert that day. You were the only bearable people at the garrison, to be honest.”

 

“Bearable? I’m offended.” Laughed Lance. The two inched closer together as they talked about the garrison and what an asshole Iverson had been. And who they remembered from each class.

 

“I remember you from maths and physics especially,” said Keith.

 

“You always had the answer ages before anyone else. Even the engineers!” Lance was caught off guard. Keith had never really admitted to remembering him at the garrison before tonight. Lance had always kinda known it was a one sided rivalry, well, _thought_ it was a one sided rivalry.

 

“I... uhh... yeah. I just kinda got it. I guess. Ha... predictably, I remember you from the practical training sessions. You were miles ahead of everyone until you got kicked out for stealing that ship.”

 

“Haha... that was a bold move, even for me. I guess it all worked out though. Who’s saving the universe now huh Iverson!” They both laughed. Lance watched Keith’s face scrunch up and felt a warm feeling spread through his gut. All this positive reinforcement was doing stuff to his head.

 

_“...stupid fucking paladin. You have a crush. How can you not see it? He’ll never like you back. You’re a failure, He definitely hates...”_

 

_IT’S NOT A CRUSH. He’s just... conventionally attractive. Anyone can see that._

 

“Lance, who put the idea into your head that you were a 7th wheel?” Keith asked suddenly. Lance hesitated. He supposed he could talk about what had been transpiring in his head.

 

 _“He’ll think you’re crazy. He’ll hate you.”_ The voice’s protest sealed the deal.

 

“Oh... umm... I guess, I don’t know. Just me? Like a little voice telling me I’m not good enough. It’s happened before. When I was at the garrison. But yeah it’s fine. I’m fine.”

 

“Well you can tell me if it starts talking again right? It’s lying to you, ya know?”

 

“Sure, Keith.” The two lay in silence for a couple of minutes, before the conversation about their past at the garrison picked up again.

 

Lance was halfway through one of those stories that are so funny you can’t help but burst into fits of giggles partway through telling it, making it near impossible for the listener to make out any details of what’s actually going on. Keith just smiled lightly as Lance curled in on himself for how hard he was laughing.

 

“Ah, Lance. You’re so so pretty.” Lance’s words halted. So did Keith’s thoughts. Both of them paused.

 

“Ah! Um, I... I can explain... pretty as in, as in...umm... Lance! Stop looking at me all serious like that!” Lance stared blankly at Keith before grabbing him by the face and nearly shouting;

 

“YOU TOO.” Lance didn't have any time to think his next action through, before he had grabbed Keith by the back of the neck and placed the chastest of kisses on Keith’s lips, and then tried to bolt from the bed.

 

_Fuck that was cliche. You’re better than that Lance Mcclain. Wow what an idiot._

 

Keith followed Lance’s retreating body across the room. He watched him stop at the door. He heard him groan and slam his hand against the keypad.

 

“..fuck..” Keith heard the murmur from across the room. He thought to himself;

 

“ Lance can’t open the door.”

 

He thought;

 

“I should open it for him.”

 

Keith walked slowly across the room, and held his hand just out of where the scanner could pick him up. And before he even thought about it Keith spun Lance around and pulled him into a kiss of his own. It was short but it got the message across.

 

They liked each other.

 

Lance could practically hear the screams of his tiny voice being thrown into a boiling pot of happy and warm feelings, made up of the comments Keith had been feeding him all night, and now the obvious reciprocation of his feelings.  

 

“Um...”

 

_What what what what what what what what what what what what what_

 

“Thanks?”

 

“Elegant, Lance.” Laughed Keith, a little bit giddy from the sudden and almost accidental turn of events.

 

“We should sleep before Allura yells at us for being sluggish during morning training.” Keith smiled at the uncharacteristically dopey look of satisfaction on Lance’s face.

 

“Ha, yeah.”

 

As the two clambered back into bed Keith took Lance’s face in his hands, watching with slight amusement as a blush spread from wherever there was a point of contact.

 

“Lance, you are not, and will never be a 7th wheel, you hear me?”

 

_“...lies...”_

 

_No, you’re the one lying._

 

“Yes, I... I hear you loud and clear.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Keith?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

____________________________________________________

 

As luck would have it, the very next day, the castle received an urgent call from a nearby system reporting a massive Galra invasion. Although the team was tired, they raced to their lions in record time and took off towards the distress call. Lance was sat in the cockpit of Blue, after a hurried run from Keith's room to her hangar,  weaving around the other four paladins. A stream of commands from the castle came through his helmet as the lions effortlessly wound up, down, left and right through the expanse of the battlefield.  Purple galra fire was met with equal ferocity from the lions. The seemingly impossible odds of about 1000 drones to one lion seemed much less impossible as Lance watched his teammates take out dozens of ships with a sweep of their canons.

 

“Nice shot Shiro!”

 

“Epic dodge Pidge!”

 

“Thanks for that block Hunk,”

 

“Woah, Keith! That was awesome!”

 

Lance felt the stream of compliments coming out of his mouth, met with an improved urgency and precision from the team. Lance decided to hang at the back of the group. He had had an idea that he decided he may as well try out. If it worked it could be catastrophic. And not in a bad way.

 

_“...but if it doesn’t work you’re wasting time, Idiot...”_

 

 _Piss off, I’m not dealing with you anymore. No one will think I’m stupid if it doesn’t work. But they_ **_will_ ** _think I’m awesome if it does!_

 

Lance continued waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The masses of drones and the frantic flying of his teammates began to make sense in his brain. The swarming fighters around the giant Mothership were too easy to manipulate. He began to shoot out quick instructions to his teammates. They trusted him

 

_They trust me!_

 

The voice had nothing to say back.

 

Slowly but surely, a path cleared for him. Lance lined up his ice cannon and laser beam.

 

_Watch me save the day guys. Team sharpshooter reporting for duty!_

 

He shot right through the mass of drones and into what seemed to be the Mothership's engines. The shot zoomed past the drones, past Shiro in Black, Pidge in Green and Hunk in Yellow, and then finally past Keith on the front lines.

 

It hit with a sort of finality that Lance would remember forever. There was only a small explosion at first but after a couple of seconds, in a satisfyingly symmetrical pattern, the blasts spread out from the point of impact and obliterated the Galra ship in a maelstrom of flying metal chunks and blistering fireballs that shot past Lance at what he thought must be near light speed.

 

“Holy fuck...” Keith's voice came over the speakers.

 

“I mean, that's one way to win a battle. A fucking awesome way!” Pidge’s excited face filled the screen.

 

“Pidge, language! But yes, That was pretty epic Lance.”

 

“DUUUUDE WHAT, THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER SEEN!” Lance watched the yellow lion weave its way through the now obsolete drones. He laughed out loud as Hunk maneuvered his lion so that it bumped shoulders with Blue. He heard Coran’s congratulatory yells and Allura’s excited analysis of Lance’s strategy.

 

As the compliments flew forth from his teammates mouths, Lance felt a genuine, ear splitting grin form on his face. He made fleeting eye contact with Keith through the video stream on Blue’s dashboard. Keith gave a him a grin that seemed to say ‘See? What’d I tell you?’.

 

When they all met back in the main control room, Lance lapped up all the attention he was getting. Everyone had something to say about the ingenious plan. With every compliment he felt the nagging presence of his intrusive thoughts getting smaller and smaller until he barely knew it was there at all.

 

After their reunion, the Paladins all split off and went their separate ways. Most of them to the shower. Lance definitely needed one after the stress of the battle. He hadn’t had one since his trip to Beta Traz. He made the journey to his room to collect his soaps and other self care products. Lance noted the ruffled sheets and his hoodie curled up on his bed.

 

_Ah, so Keith wasn’t lying when he said Hunk was sleeping in my room._

 

Lance opened his door as stepped out of his room. Much to his surprise, Keith was waiting right outside his door.

 

“Ah! Keith!” Lance blushed. They still hadn’t acknowledged the events of the previous night. They had been busy from the moment they woke up.

 

“Hi Lance. Or should I say, fucking brilliant team sharpshooter” Lance blushed brightly and laughed.

 

“Call me nothing else from now on. And ah... I was just gonna head over for a shower, did you want to join me?” Lance looked at Keith expectantly. Keith’s only response was to slowly turn a colour that matched his paladin armour. Only after a good ten seconds did Lance realise what it had sounded like he was asking Keith to do. He had an internal struggle to maintain his calm exterior and play it off as a joke. He miserably failed.

 

“Ha! No! I mean! Stop laughing asshole!” Keith had noted Lances quick descent into embarrassment and burst out laughing.

 

“Come on then, Lance. I’ll go grab my towel.” Lance trailed happily after Keith and considered looping an arm around his shoulders. Before he had time to consider the action they reached Keith’s room. Lance watched as he grabbed a towel and bag of toiletries and they were on their way to the bathrooms.

 

Before they split off into separate stalls (maybe a while before they _actually_ showered _together),_ Keith grabbed Lance’s free hand and spun him around so they were facing each other.

 

“I... want you to know that I meant everything I said last night and that you are truly the most amazing person in the whole universe to me Lance. You proved it this morning and you had better let me know if that voice inside your head ever tells you you’re not good enough. I’ll kick it’s ass.” Keith pulled Lance down for a soft peck on the cheek and then whirled around and slammed the door to his stall shut.

 

Lance grinned for the billionth time that day. This was something he could get used to.

 

_“....you... don’t... deserve...”_

 

_Shut up! Didn’t you hear him? He’ll kick your ass._

 

Lance relished the warmth and cleanliness of the shower. The many compliments from his team ran through his head. He pictured them as tiny little lions shooting down the Galra ship of the voice in the back of his mind until the ship blew up in a recreation of the battle earlier in the day.

 

Yes, this was something he wanted to get used to.

 

_____________________________________________________

 

Lance Mcclain is a notable person when you walk into a room. He’s smart, skilled and attractive. He’s good at making people laugh. His bad puns and pick up lines are great for drawing out playful groans, and big smiles. Lance has smart friends. Genius friends. Hunk can fix anything he touches and Pidge can do near anything given a computer and some time.They’re also good friends and help him with his problems. They are part of his crew now and his crew is just as great. Keith is the best pilot Lance has ever met and Shiro is everything you could ask for in a leader. Coran and Allura seem to know everything and are able to guide Voltron out of any trouble. Lance is just as much a part of the team as they are. Lance knows all this. He knows he’s one of the best and can take on anything the universe throws at him. He knows his jokes are funny and sense of humour absolutely hilarious.

 

But sometimes Lance forgets this. He doesn’t see himself as the best and brightest. He falls and expects no one to want to help him back up. But his team does want to. They feed him love and support and he continues to grow into a better person, who helps his friends back.

 

He also knows his friends and his crew love him. They need him just as much as he needs them. He knows this and he loves them back.

 

_________________________________________________

  
  
  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooo while it wasn't quite a decade it may as well have been. as u can see i love to maintain a slow workrate and second guess every decision i make. 
> 
> well there u have it, a mediocre ending to my langst, sprinkled with a bit of real frinking cheesy klance. comment if u find any glaringly obvious mistakes as i wld love to fix them for a smoother read. 
> 
> thx for giving this a squiz, every hit and kudos sustains my will to write, and each comment adds 14 years to my life span.
> 
> oh yea and my tumblr is http://voltrick.tumblr.com/ if u want to scream at me in my inbox.  
> (it's an oldish side blog so not awfully active but i will answer any thoughts, questions or comments you have for me.)


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